


I cant be no superman (for you ill be superhuman)

by Ja_Acabou_Jessica



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Fluffy, Kinda Crackish, M/M, Peter is gay, ned is pan, set like a long shitpost, the angst almost doesnt exist, the usual, this is dumb ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 12:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16095428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ja_Acabou_Jessica/pseuds/Ja_Acabou_Jessica
Summary: Ned has a thing for Spiderman.Peter has a thing for Ned.Prompt: Ned wants to see Spiderman again, so instead of asking for his number, he gets in trouble.A lot.





	I cant be no superman (for you ill be superhuman)

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the song "save you" by one direction lmao  
> i was having this conversation (mostly joking around) with my friend when we came to the idea. I cant believe i actually wrote this intead of working lmaooo  
> also i did not review this because i literally shouldnt be writing it in the first place #yolo  
> but i will i swear  
> please ignore any stupid typo or tell me so i can fix it thankx  
> hmm the italics are a bit odd i just discovered oshsidhpis

Peter is once again thankful for his powers as he stares at the unnerving mess of goo in front of him. They are sitting in the cafeteria and he doesn’t wait for even one second before he is shoving food (and possibly other stuff) down his throat. Yeah, sure it would taste disgusting if he didn’t feel so desperate for food at every damn moment of his miserable life.

Score.  
He can feel the way Ned is judging him without looking up, and smirks.

“What” He tries to ask but it probably sounds like “wot”.

Ned just laughs and shrugs and he looks adorable doing it so Peter doesn’t even mind being laughed at.  
MJ stares disgusted from his left. He sat right in front of Ned, but she still keeps an one-person distance from the boys, like she is pretending real hard she is not friends with them.

Peter winks at her and she gives him the finger.  
Lovely.

It would be just an ordinary sunday if anything ever was ordinary, Peter has to be with Tony-Mcfucking-Stark just after class to discuss modifications for his suit and the usual physical practice (yeah, they are doing that these days), but he promises Ned they are _sooo _gonna watch the new Insidious movie that is coming to the theaters, even if he knows they both secretly wish they could see something else instead.__

To be quite honest, and god forbid anyone misunderstands him, working with actual Avengers is amazing, but he kinda misses hanging out with Ned as much as he did before the whole “Captain America” thing.  
He doesn’t want to be one of those jerks who forgets about their friends when they need him, and the ‘hanging outs’ are usually as important to him as they are to Ned, anyways. He figures is probably selfish to want both the world and the people he cares about, but it doesn’t matter.  
He will figure something out. 

_The first time it happens, it’s not even proposital._

__“Pete, i swear to God! In one moment, we were all falling, and then BANG!!!”  
Ned yells at him as they are walking home, almost jumping with excitement as he speaks. Peter remembers how obviously terrified he looked back then, but remembers that he is not supposed to.  
“Spiderman was there! He looked all cool like it was a movie and all, all the girls were yelling.” 

____(You were yelling too.) _. _____ __

____“Oh man, he is so cool. I’m so gonna buy the new Spiderman merch i saw on the store the other day now.”_ _ _ _

____Peter doesn’t smile the rest of the way like a lovesick girl. He doesn’t._ _ _ _

____-  
After that, it becomes a little obvious._ _ _ _

____“Hey, how old do you think Spiderman is? What if he is like 30? OH MY GOD PETE WHAT IF HE’S OUR AGE?”  
“DUDE NO NEED FOR YELLING.”_ _ _ _

___“pETER LOOK AT THIS COOL SPIDERMAN VIDEO I SAW”_ _ _

_____(Oh come on!! I can’t believe they didn’t record the cool kick i did at the beginning of the fight, this is dumb.)_ _ _ __

_____One day, as they are sitting at the park, eating ice cream and missing summertime, Ned has a thoughtful look on his face. Suddenly, he turns to face Peter and Peter almosts drops his ice cream with shook_ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m going to see Spiderman again.”  
“Are you fucking what, man?”  
“Spider. Gonna see him.”  
“Why and how.”  
“Dunno.” 

_____He turns back to his usual self and leaves his friend feeling confused and humoured.  
Of course, he doesn’t think Ned is being actually serious. _ _ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

____It’s not that he doesn’t want Ned to know he is Spiderman, neither that he doesn’t trust the boy. He even considers telling him, come on! They would be cool superhero partners! But he is...scared. He is scared Ned will see him in a different light if he figures it out, if he finds out that Peter is not the weak nerd he became friends with in the first place anymore._ _ _ _

__________“Still a nerd.” Mr Stark’s voice reminds him in his head. Okay, he knows Ned is not that kind of person, but sill.  
He doesn’t want Ned to like Spiderman more than he likes Peter, he guesses.  
Because he can only be the true Peter when he is with Ned. Its only with him that gets to be himself and he is scared that he won’t be able to just be... Peter with him if he finds out.  
He won’t be able to just talk about games and anime even when his chest is hurting from way too many bruises that will probably go away the next day. He won’t be able to forget just for one second about his problems as a almost-avenger to just chat with his best friend about his school drama.  
So, it’s not that Peter doesn’t want Ned to know he is Spiderman. He just doesn’t want him to forget he was Peter Parker first. 

_____ _ _ _

__________They do end up watching the Insidious movie. It freaks them both out, an equal amount.  
When they leave the theater, Ned is laughing the kind of maniac laugher he usually laughs when the euphoria of the post-fear emerges from the pit of his being, and he is behaving very much louder than usual.  
Peter thinks it’s cute. 

__________“Oh my god man did you see that?” He puts a hand in his chest dramatically “Christ.”  
“Haha yeah you totally freaked out, poor thing.”  
“Oh don’t poor thing me, Parker! I saw you jumping!”  
“Nuns are freaking scary, okay.” 

__________He feels feather light all of the way home, bubbly in his chest and with a dorky smile in this face.  
That is, until he notices something is very wrong.  
Ned didn’t go home with him, saying he still needed to solve a few things on the way and he would probably just take the other bus instead and Peter didn’t want to seem clingy, okay? 

_____“Spiderboy doesn’t want to be clingy? Clingy is your superpower.”  
“Shut up, mental Mr Stark.” _ _ _ _ _

__________But still, spider senses are spider senses and they are even stronger when it comes to Ned.  
He goes to a public bathroom real fast (not everyone has the luxury of changing with just one click, he likes to think of himself as old-school)  
(is probably something to whine to Tony later)  
(not important. Ned is in danger.) 

_____He runs, sticks himself in buildings and all that crap trying to find his friend, but stops when he actually does see him.  
He is sat in a chair on top of a roof, his whole body is tied and his mouth has a piece of tape closing it, he is wiggling like a baby caterpillar and it shouldn’t feel silly for sure but it kind of does look cartoonish. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Dude! Are you okay?” He asks, already untying the knots._ _ _ _ _

__________Ned looks at him with a “do i look okay” expression.  
Peter considers just leaving him there but he doesn’t, not really.  
He takes the tape off just because he missed the idiot’s voice. 

______“Hey.” he laughs nervously “Spiderman!”  
He should just fucking pretend he doesn’t have the slightest idea of who the guy is because Peter Parker is many things but he is not dumb and Ned is not dumb either. _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Aren’t you that guy from the elevator in Washington?”  
The way his eyes sparkle is enough.  
“Woah! Yes, that was me! I’m sorry for getting in trouble again, you know.”  
Yeah. You sure as hell are. 

______“Oh, is nothing. So, who tied you in here?”  
He is glad his suit covers his smirk as he realizes Ned did not plan this at all. _ _ _ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Pete.”_  
Ned calls him that night at 3 am.  
“Dude, go to sleep.”  
He can hear the way his best friend is breathing and he thinks its so stupid how he can tell something is bothering him just from the way he is letting out carbonic gas.  
He opens just one eye and sighs, staring at the little light up stars in his ceiling.  
“spit.” 

______“I” Ned begins, careful, testing the words. “I think i might have a crush on Spiderman, Pete.”  
He opens the other eye. _ _ _ _ _ _

______He figures yelling “YOU WHAT?” or “ITS ME! IM SPIDERMAN!” would make more harm than good. He figures saying nothing is a dick move so he tries to lighten up the mood a little._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah? Water is wet, if we are pointing out facts in the middle of the night.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He hears the other boy breath.  
“Isn’t it weird? I have never seen him, ever. I mean, i have but in the way we see you know Captain America. I don’t know him. How can i have a crush in someone i don’t even know? It’s crazy…” _ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, that’s the thing, right? You don’t know him, Ned. He is just a guy you are putting your feeling into because he is close enough to like but distant enough that is safe, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Girl talk. Girl talk all over again. Girl talk at 3 am. _  
The stars stare back at him, judgmental.___ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“No! Like...I know him. I don’t know.” He sounds miserable over the phone and Peter’s heart stings just a little. “I feel like i know him. Something about the way he talks, just...him. It’s not just me projecting my sexuality crisis and hormones in a distant figure...I actually like him.”  
“But…” Peter says,  
_(But you don’t like me.) ____

__________He ends up saying something like “But come on, man, Thor is the best looking avenger and you can’t change my mind!”  
And Ned laughs and later says goodnight and Peter thinks he is hiding a lot of thoughts inside his head these days. They both are. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

__________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Ned doesn’t like Spiderman._  
Well, he does.  
But he (only) likes Spiderman.  
So There is one more reason to never tell him.  
Because poor guy would be so disappointed to realize that. 

__

_______________________“Hey, Ned.” He says over lunch “You know Spiderman is like a persona, right? What if you, like, meet the person behind the mask and realize they are not that cool? Maybe they are an anime fan, i don’t know.”_  
Leeds laughs at him.  
“I’m sure Spiderman only enjoys high quality anime, but thanks for your concern.” 

____________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________The next time that it happens, he is showering._  
He is singing some Ariana Grande song when the world decides that “Fuck Peter”.  
He knows Ned is probably up to something but he still cares and what if he isn’t and what if one day he gets in actual trouble just because he ignored his friend’s cries for help?  
But, man, his precious shower. 

____

___________________When he gets to the scene, Ned is standing in front of a wall.  
In his house that Spiderman had to enter through an open window.  
He is wearing a stupid pink apron and holding a little broom and what the actual hell. _ _ _ _ _

____________“What the actual hell.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh! Hey Spider!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He just gives him what he hopes in a decent “fuck you” expression under his face-covering suit_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You see, i couldn’t reach the top of the wall to clean, so…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Leeds.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yeah?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Did you actually call me to clean your house.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It was an emergency.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He wants to run away and never ever answer again but Ned has a funny look on his face so he takes the fucking broom and he is preparing to climb the fucking wall when he hears laughing coming from behind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Ned is laughing at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He has a hand over his stomach and is bending over_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I can’t believe you would actually do that, oh my god.”  
Wheeze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He mutters “What the fuck” under his breath._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Pete. Come on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Wait what._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Pete.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Spiderman has no superpowers, spiderman is dead. He is broken and he can’t move so the boy comes closer.  
Closer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Whispers “Can i take this off?” to his mask and Peter giggles despide his shock because he is seventeen and can’t take an innuendo._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________When Ned takes of his mask and stares at him. His hair is probably a mess but he doesn’t move one single finger to untangle it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You know.” Ned turns his back at him for one second, but it’s just to put the stupid broom back into place. “I was really mad at you for not telling me sooner.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Did you know?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Dude! You don’t use a fucking voice alterer, you know that right?” Giggles. “Like...You come here all ‘Oh Ned!!!’ and ‘Dude’ in that stupid voice of yours and you figure i just don’t know its you? I’m not dumb.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I thought you didn’t want it to be me. Didn’t want him to be-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I dont give a single fuck about Spiderman!” He yells and Peter winces until he realizes he is joking. “I like you, you dumbass nerd!”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________Oh._  
Oh.  
“Oh.”  
“Ye.”  
“So the...The dates…”  
“Yeah.”  
“How did you fucking tie yourself to that chair?”  
“MJ.”  
“SERIOUSLY? SHE KNOWS ABOUT THIS?”  
“Dude. I’m pretty sure she knows about everything.” 

______________Bing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Peter looks at the new text message on his phone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"MJ: I do know everything. Peace."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“How the hell-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Pete.” Ned is staring at him determinedly now. “Come on, did you really think i would be disappointed to know it was you all along?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Peter smiles weakly.  
(yes.)  
But he is not hiding his thoughts anymore;_ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I really, really needed it to be you.” He comes closer and rests his jaw on Peter’s shoulder, they are really close but it doesn’t feel like the world is dying. “Can you imagine how fucking embarrassing that would be if it wasn’t you?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________They are giggling._  
Close.  
Together.  
And it feels nice.  
And Peter realizes he doesn’t have to choose.  
Between the world and Ned anymore, he won’t ever need to choose.  
Because Ned is here with him now, they are a team now. They have always been. 

______________“I swear to god, tho. If you ever call me again when you don’t need me, i will break up with you.”  
Leeds laughs at that and Parker shuts him up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
